Marriage works: Leave it alone

The worst nightmares of marriage were paraded last week, when a Lethbridge couple pulled Canadians on a voyeuristic journey into the annals of "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health."

The ride came at the expense of Dave Heatherington, whose errant wife, Darlene, a city alderwoman and mother of three, said she'd been kidnapped, drugged, taken to Las Vegas and raped. Her story unravelled under police questioning. But Mr. Heatherington stood before a crush of reporters, whose microphones were jabbing into any vestige of the couple's privacy, and told a gawking world his stand on their marriage: "I trust her, I believe in her and I love her."

He stood there a hero, protecting a woman in a broken state and three vulnerable children, a model for belief in the miracle of marriage. No doubt, more than a million prayers went up for the Heatheringtons that day -- because believe it or not, Canada has scores of closet Christians who live by the truth that God really cares about marriage, a union that appears repeatedly in the Bible as a word picture for how He works in relationship with people.

So you can imagine the enormous grief, as behind closed doors in circles of church leadership, questions are being raised about whether Canada has reached the moment when the church will have to detach itself from its role in civic marriages. The crisis has been caused by the latest ruling in a B.C. court mandating the government to redefine marriage to include gay couples.

If the church reacts by leaving its role in civic marriage, it will be an enormous schism in the spiritual history of our country -- a history so real that Bible verses were carved over Parliament's entrances, hospitals were founded on Christian charity, universities were founded on clerical thought, and early immigration policies were informed by the theological views of the Salvation Army. Spiritual conviction shaping public activity is a still-vibrant part of our heritage; for the church to walk away from something as fundamental as performing legally recognized marriages is a profound development.

Marriage will soon hit the headlines again, this time in public policy, as the federal justice committee completes its report. It does so after a 12-city tour where it listened to citizens to determine if the union should be redefined to include same-sex couples. Thousands of Christians would find their religious freedom to believe in the purposes of the Bible compromised with such marriages, and that conflict caused the justice committee to hear more on theology than it likely bargained for. While the committee's conclusions are still under wraps, vice-chair John McKay has warned that "as sure as God made little green apples, gay activists will take clergy to court if they refuse to marry gay couples."

Into this conundrum has walked what may be a prophet for Canada, a devout and aging Christian, Gerald Vandezande. Mr. Vandezande, a retired director of Citizens for Public Justice, received the Order of Canada last year for his work in helping Canadians understand justice. He now finds himself living out his conviction of "justice, not just us," on a basic Christian issue: marriage. His proposal is that the definition of marriage, "the union of one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others," should continue to be protected in law, but that committed, conjugal relationships other than marriage are a reality that should also be reflected in Canadian law.

Same-sex unions, common law and who knows what else the government may define as a conjugal relationship would become protected next to marriage under a registry of civil union and public declaration of mutual commitment made before legal witnesses. Any religious affirmation of such ceremonies would be separate, optional rites of blessing that would be protected by religious freedom guarantees in the Charter of Rights. They would not be subject to challenge in court. Priests and pastors would no longer issue any legal certification in their marriage services, dropping the concluding "by the power vested in me" by the government as they pronounce couples husband and wife.

The reality of having to go through two ceremonies to gain both legal recognition and the act of invoking God's blessing on our unions is a staggering setback for a freedom we've enjoyed since before Confederation. But given the realities of court activism, it may be the only way faith communities can stay out of lawsuits over who goes to the altar.

There is a sharp divide shaping up in Christendom on this issue. "This is not about rights, it's about a court-orchestrated coup for the ideological property of marriage," said Darryl Reid, of Focus on the Family, pointing out that economic and family provisions already are equalized for Canada's 34,000 gay couples.

The idea of uniting the provinces on changing the government role in marriage is daunting, and communicating the dilemma across the diverse Canadian faith scene will be monumental.

Only time will tell the consequences of shaking this institution from its security -- but Parliament can be assured that more than a million prayers will be going up for marriage and its state in our land.

Lorna Dueck will host Gay Marriage: At the Threshold , on Listen UP TV at 9 a.m. today on Global Television and at 9 p.m. tonight on CTS.